I don’t know about you, but next to lying, hypocrisy is the thing I most despise. The Webster’s New World dictionary says it means : “a pretending to be what one is not, or to feel what one does not; a pretense of virtue.”

Lately I am hearing the same people who applauded vile rhetoric against a former president, now screaming that it is not OK to say anything negative or voice any protest against a current congress or administration. Whereas community action and organization was considered an amazing and wonderful vocation and an experience to be commended, it is now being referred to as an angry mob of well dressed people. Is community action only for poorly dressed people?

Is there something wrong with wanting to know the facts? Is reading a bill in it’s entirety wrong, just because those who represent us don’t think it is worth their time to read it? I went to college and I want to read it. It tells me what will happen to my health care for the rest of my life. Much of it is truly terrifying when I read it, but if you don’t you can just act surprised when it happens, I guess. I have been a victim of things I didn’t bother to read in my lifetime and I will not do it again. Why is  having an opinion which differs from a current administration somehow blasphemy in America? I can remember a former First Lady, now Secretary of State, screaming at the top of her lungs that it was the essence of patriotism to disagree. I really don’t understand why what’s right for one side is wrong when the other side does it. Either it’s OK or it isn’t but how can you say it’s wrong when you just argued that it was right?  To me that is the essence of hypocrisy.

To thine own self be true was my Dad’s motto, and I believe that we all need to independently make sure that all the facts are backing our beliefs right now, and be willing to look at all of them without prejudice and decide with our own hearts and minds what the truth is. We have left that up to too many others for far too long.

I love to work with people who would find their dog at the humane shelter. They are great people to accompany on a house- hunting adventure, because they are secretly looking for a home that needs them as much as they need a home. They are looking to restore and rebuild what may have been forgotten over time, for a place to plant a garden, put up a swing set,  hang a hammock…ways to turn a house into the home they always wanted.

A few months after our dog Schatzee died, my older son recognized we were still a two-dog family  in need of a second dog, so off we went to the humane shelter to see if one had our name on it. Sure enough, after wandering all around not finding any we connected to, we found one who had practically given up on finding his family. Very thin, he stayed in his corner eagerly awaiting the dinner bowl. Somehow he just clicked with all of us and later that day with our other dog, Gus, before we were allowed to take him home. The shelter needed to see that we were a match and that it would be good for all of us (he had some difficulty socializing and had a lot of fears). Ten years and lots of love and attention later Jet has been a wonderful addition to our family, and he and I have healed together in many ways.

I guess the fact that I have sold plenty of foreclosures over the past fifteen years is testimony to the fact I am drawn to both people and houses that have seen their share of difficulties. I love seeing the light come on in someone’s eyes as they realize they have the perfect skills for the necessary restorations on a particular house. It is a sign we are finally in the right place. When we don’t even notice we’ve been hanging out in the kitchen or the back yard for an hour without seeing the time go by, that pretty much seals the deal that this is the house they should put an offer on. You know what is so amazing? They almost always get it for the price they offered…they were the people for that particular house and it had been waiting for them to find it…just like that puppy at the pound who knows when his family arrives. Wow! Now that’s what makes my life exciting every day of the week!

I have always loved being in real estate. I guess because it lets me help people find their way home. I get to go on a journey with people to find the place they can center their lives and begin to relax, re-creating the space in their own way to serve themselves and their families. And if they continue to meet the obligation and commitment they signed up for, no one will ever kick them out!

Everyone’s home is their castle, be it a condo near water, a townhouse near their children’s school, a mobile home near family or a cabin out in the woods. It never has to be the biggest or the prettiest or the most expensive, it just has to feel like home, a place where we can be ourselves. Since this is different for every one of us, the journey always takes me on a new and different path. That is why I love it! Houses are as different as people. They come in all shapes and sizes and a myriad of colors. They are old and young and in between. They are sometimes in great shape for their age, and sometimes have acquired a handicap or two. Often they can be updated with some loving care, and sometimes their problems just need the right person with whom they will find love and acceptance.

I know there is a book with a name that closely resembles this, but I more often think of myself on a path rather than a road. I guess perhaps if I thought of it as a road, I would also be afraid of being run over because I see myself walking, not driving. I also feel the elements surrounding me: sunshine, humidity, rain on occasion. It is all a part of the taste, smell and feel of my everyday life.

I tried explaining this to my Mom today in our morning coffee klatch by phone. To her credit, I think she got it. My life is rich with human connection and life-changing outlooks on our everyday experience. That is a bit hard to fathom if you leave the spiritual dimension out of it. Sometimes, in order to feel like I fit in better with family or friends I do, indeed, try to leave the spiritual dimension of my life in a closet. When I do, however, I feel somehow like a coward, and also like a liar.

I am leaving out my enormous wealth and by doing so, I appear poverty stricken. This is actually as far from the truth as it could be. When connected to a person who is connected to the same source I am, I feel immediately safe to divulge my true identity and let that relationship out of the closet. It occurs to me that this may be the reason I have such empathy and compassion for gay and lesbian couples. I never understood why before, as I am not bent in that direction personally. I have always felt the need to protect and serve their best interests in finding a safe home, however, and I have great respect and admiration for their lives and their unique struggles.

It occurs to me now, that I have been reluctant to always be “honest” about my relationship with God…unless I felt I was at home with another of like mind. It never seemed like I was keeping my significant other in the closet, but I was. As I used to tell my sons, leaving something out of the story means the same as lying about it. It is not the whole truth.

Truth cannot be selective. Sometimes we think we are keeping from hurting another’s feelings by leaving something out, but how much harder it is to tell the whole truth later. Especially when that person has made choices depending on our half-truth. I guess I am just saying, to myself and anyone else who needs to hear it as well, get honest, get real and get out of the closet (whatever your closet may be). You can’t accomplish as much for the good of the world you live in until you are out of there!

Just had my morning coffee call with my Mom, and the subject today was her college alma mater.  She was wishing I had gone there, because my life might have been so different. I did attend college, albeit a Midwestern state university rather than a ‘seven sisters’ or other New England college. I really didn’t have a clue what I wanted to study, other than people, and had I known then what I know now I might have pursued psychotherapy. Back in 1964 the choices were less obvious, many men went to college just to avoid the draft/Vietnam and I found the whole thing a bit of a directionless limbo, so I left after two years to get on with my life.

This morning, perhaps because of my focus recently on re-writing my mental tapes, I asked her how she thought my life would have been different. It amounted to the fact that she thought it would have been less of a struggle for me. How that would have happened she wasn’t sure, but perhaps I would have married differently, had different friends and acquaintances, and perhaps lived a more charmed life with more of the extras (like amazing vacation destinations, parties, and social events).

My life hasn’t been chock full of those things, for sure. Would I trade it for a life of more luxury? Never! My life has evolved exactly as it should have and I have few, if any, regrets. All of the struggles have born the best fruit and I probably never would have met the people who have crossed my path had I lived life on a different plain. I probably would still have met fascinating people, but I think I have made a difference in those lives I have touched, as they have made in mine.

I need to remember to cherish the paths my sons’ lives take, enjoying with them the outcome of their struggles, never denying that they are on the course that God has set out for them. While for some of us, having more money has probably given us more options and opportunities in life, for others it would probably just have been harder to make choices. I am someone who has the most difficult time choosing an entree when the menu looms large in front of me. Invite me for dinner at your home, however, and I will be thrilled with whatever you serve! The road I have taken has included people I might never have met in that charmed life I never lived, but knowing them has made all the difference.

I often find that when something is in the material I am reading, it also starts appearing everywhere I look. I think that is how God affirms a certain direction for me…there is no way I could miss it! This week has been all about changing the thought patterns that have occupied my mind for most of my life. This centers on learning to slow things down and observe with mindfulness the triggers that set off a particular habitual response pattern. By bringing conscious awareness we are able to reprogram our responses.  I have found this fascinating reading.

I have also found similar information popping up as the center of a bible study I had never been to before, and again  as I flipped the channel after the beginning of the press conference to find a 1959 Billy Graham special where he preached the idea of turning our thoughts over to God. It was everywhere this week…heal the mind, heal the heart, change your life.

I have a friend who said her father always says God will never put more on our plates than we can handle. I don’t know about you, but I want to be a member of The Clean Plate Club ( what we called it at our house when we finished everything given us for dinner). I guess the idea of hearing Him say “well done, good and faithful servant” would be the same thing.

I have just switched off the TV because everywhere is the same press conference from the White House dealing with the health care bill no one has read but want to vote on quickly so that things get fixed. I heard a quote from a wise person once who said the five worst  decisions you made in your life were probably made hastily. Looking back, I can see the truth of that in my own life, perhaps places where a little more time, thought and information may have resulted in not necessarily a different decision, but one that was clearer and more conscious of underlying motives, both my own and others.

The sixth time I heard “I just want to be clear about this, Let me be clear about this…” I realized that if it was that obvious to himself that he wasn’t being clear, then the whole thing was basically worthless. When you hear the truth and it hits you as the truth, isn’t it clear? Doesn’t it resound in a place in your heart that simply receives it and “knows” without further explanation? At least that’s how it is for me. The more I hear someone trying to clear something up, the fuzzier it becomes, and after awhile I don’t hear anything but static and tune out.

Too bad, great opportunity to just tell it like it is, and we could probably hear it, clear as a bell. Perhaps the one who is speaking isn’t really clear about it, so he can’t communicate it with clarity? Take time, get more information, think deeply, then it should come through loud and clear. On issues that affect the rest of our lives we need to be clear, not hasty.

Single parenting over the past thirty years has taught me a lot. Not having ‘Dad’ around to tell one of my sons to just punch the guy out when he was approached by a bully left me to try and figure out a solution to that problem when it arose, one that perhaps ended up with less blood on my towels!

One thing I noticed early on was that when my sons were bullied by some one, they were often taunted with name calling that was unfounded….like “You’re a liar!” This threw them on the defensive and made them angry, often just screaming back “I am not”, which escalated the interaction, often to the point of them just wanting  to hit the other guy to shut him up. This being basically the response the other person had counted on to goad them into a fight, it worked until we figured out the basis of the problem.

I noticed over time that if they hadn’t been guilty of the taunted name they were called, (in this case, they hadn’t lied),  the bully was in fact giving them the main clue to his own behavior, i.e. that he was a liar. He was in fact lying about the fact that my son had lied. Once my sons knew to look for that as a clue to another’s taunting behavior, they ceased to be drawn into a fight with such a person, seeing right off the bat that they were dealing with a liar made them less likely to worry about what they thought about them anyway! End of conflict, as they walked away with a somewhat smug look on their face.

I find I am often using this same perspective dealing with the vicious attacks that have come upon former presidents and candidates for vice president. There is no reason to enter the fray. No response certainly does not confirm my agreement, as the attacker might hope, but only my acceptance of the clue they may have just revealed about themselves. Enough said.

I think we all need to look deeply into our own behaviors right now and question the truth of anything we are passing on because it stirs the pot. This pressure cooker is going to explode in our faces if we don’t look for the real basis of our problems and disagreements and find “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.” I am not saying I know what that is, but I am willing to look at ALL the evidence , not just that which suits my particular bias. Having more people agree with us doesn’t make something true…..mob rule is not always “just” and many men were hanged who weren’t guilty, only to temporarily prove someone was “right” and had plenty of angry supporters to agree with them. We need to remember that in this time. Truth will eventually surface, but we need to try and assist in finding it without personal prejudice. We are all in this together. One thing I learned from being accountable to my children…if I was going to call someone a name, I had better do some soul searching first and see if it had any home within me before I thrust it accusingly on someone else….

This has been an amazing month… it is a month today since the auto accident that totaled my car. I think it takes a good thirty days to get back on track (providing only minor injuries) with the groove of your life. It is as if you are suffering from a temporary mental fog and have also lost muscle memory. I found that almost every day I forgot where simple things like car keys, cell phone, house keys, purse, had been put down,resulting in my frequently leaving without at least one. I found that driving the car felt like when I was sixteen and in Driver’s Ed…..I had to think carefully about every light, every stop sign. Nothing seemed automatic, and if it did, I immediately questioned its authenticity.

The positive part is, a month later, rental car returned, new(used) car in my driveway, I am back to doing what I do….showing houses and working with customers. I am back to mowing my lawn and complaining about the humidity. I am back to real life and sitting at the computer several hours in the day, and none of these seem as taxing as they did in the past 30 day period. I am certain that I will make up the lost income in some form by the end of the year.

What I learned again is how I hate doing life as a “victim”. I guess that works for some people, and there are those who may feel they have no choice, but we always have a choice! I kept reading books that gave me knew ways of looking at the same situation with a different mindset. A new way of thinking that gave me new ways of acting, within the same circumstance. All I know is that power returned to me and positive things started happening everytime I chose to change the lens I was looking through.

Perspective comes usually as we are looking back on our life at previous events. But when you see that all previous events, even those you felt so negative at the time they happened, always turned out to be used toward your greater good. I think that is true for me and will always be true. So if I can just choose to believe that in any circumstance that arises, it ceases to have a negative hold on me. I can choose to respond to it from that position, and I will make a far better choice, involving a lot less worry and self-defeating energy, and arrive sooner at the perspective I have decided to have.

“Are you sitting down…?” That was how my Broker greeted me on Saturday morning. Saturday not usually being  a “bank day” for anything to do with housing sales, the last thing I expected her to say was “They accepted our short sale offer on your house!”

Wow, what is that about doing your best but then turning the outcome over to your higher power? That is exactly what I have been trying to do this past week. Live in the present, not the past or the future. Try not to worry about things that you don’t know the outcome of (like what if the foreclosure pushes me into bankruptcy?). And allow new data (perhaps they will accept the offer) to penetrate your thoughts, more than the negative ones that keep trying to resurface!

The book I finished last week was a Neale Donald Walsh called When Everything Changes, Change Everything! And I must admit, so far I am liking the results of getting “out of my mind!”

I will keep you posted, but I had a contract accepted and found a car I could afford also this weekend, so I am going to keep trying to stay present and await the positive results. This is such a draining experience in so many ways, that it really does open one up to the possibilities of changing the way you look at everything. More on that subject later….