This has been quite a year, of fighting to hold onto my house….actually several of them. I have worked hard to do everything possible to find buyers, get the loans modified, satisfy the banks in some way. After a year of waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, I have decided to give up fighting.
Letting go of all power over the situation and leaving it in God’s hands has actually been the best choice I could make. I am beginning to feel a freedom I haven’t felt in thirty years. And I am looking around at mounds of “stuff” that is going to go away in one way or another. Whether I use technology to scan old pictures into a file that only takes up space on my hard drive, or whether I donate items to charity or sell things on Craigslist, I know that all I really need is more time and a little money to enjoy it. While I still love helping people find their dream home, I am encouraging them to look no bigger than a quarter of their income and to always have at least six months mortgage payments in a safe deposit box somewhere! To me, that is responsible home-ownership, as it was in our grandparents early days, and it will remain so over the rest of my and other baby boomers’ lifetimes. I want to see people succeed in having a full life, not just a place to call home. Safe, sound, secure and most of all, sustainable.

I think that my world view has just changed radically. No, I am not changing my political party. I am still an Independent waiting for someone on either side to use common sense and come up with solutions to problems facing middle America that seem incredibly obvious to all but the elite who think they know better than those living the lives they propose to make better without considering their input. But that’s another story. My perspective has changed because I have begun to see living smaller as a new road to freedom. The tiny American Dream house of 84 to 500 sq feet, as opposed to 2000 or more. A real home and place to hang your hat that will still afford you a chance to travel, visit friends and relatives, engage in any kind of social interactions you choose. The days of lying in bed worrying about how to pay the mortgage behind you, life can open up in new ways.
I am really going to look for others who are ready to invest in and promote energy-efficient, sustainable small housing that can be grouped in communities of like-minded people. I am beginning to see that this is being done around the country, but I am hoping to see it closer to everywhere that single baby boomers are wanting to retire. It will replace the mobile home as inexpensive living and actually give it a new, recycled green attitude! I have to figure out how to add a link here, (http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/sustainable-happiness/living-large-in-a-tiny-house) but a friend of mine in Buffalo emailed me the new home she is about to build. Now, I would love to have one slightly larger and with a working toilet and shower, but you will get the idea. Less is more: More Time, More Money….to do whatever else you want to do with the rest of your life! Think about it.

I may have written about this before, but I just want to share that this week I watched myself go from feeling lost and abandoned and homeless, to a feeling of freedom and choice and a whole new way of living my life. First, it is imperative to have safe people in your life who can help you see your life through your own eyes. For me, these people are my sons. They tell me the truth as they see it, but always lovingly and with my best interests at heart. After all the years of being truthful and respectful of who they are, this is now coming back to me in a way I could never have expected, but it is precious, indeed.
Secondly, you have to eliminate input from those who strike fear in your heart, or who deliver the truth but in such a hard cold way that it makes you feel like you have been run over by a truck. These may be well meaning people who also have your best at heart, but they don’t have a clue how to step into your life even for a moment to be able to share from a compassionate perspective. They mean well, but continually remind you that they have never been there and never will be….that makes them outsiders, so keep your coat on.
I have found that when I have options, I am able to make good choices for myself. One thing that gives you options is enough money to make several different choices. Without money, your options may be zero to none and you have to take whatever survival mode there is.
I am sharing this because I believe many of us who got into the real estate bubble did so because we thought it would increase our options down the road. In fact for many of us, the scale of diminishing options has been the only scale we have seen for the past year or so, as we tried to somehow get out of the way of the avalanche that seemed to be chasing us.
This week, I saw that I was not going to be able to outrun it and was seeing no way to safe ground. But there was a path, it just meant leaving everything behind and starting over but from an entirely different perspective. Realizing I couldn’t drag me and all my possessions to safety meant realizing that regardless of possessions, I wanted life. My life, no one else’s. A life based, as it always has been anyway, on the quality of my friendships, family and business relationships
I will go into this more in coming blogs as I work out the details, but suffice it to say here that there is a very heavy burden lifting off of my shoulders every step I take.

I so admire the people like Seth Godin, who blogs every day and it is almost always something good. There are times he even blogs twice a day! And I read and enjoy both.
Somehow, I can’t imagine coming up with enough interesting topics, but I guess if I start with that premise, I have already failed.

Today I am trying to get past the sinking feeling of perhaps being ‘had’ once again. I am the landlord for three properties, one my own and two of my son’s. Lately my gut feeling about the integrity of people has been off course. I used to find the best tenants, and even if they didn’t fit all the rules, they were trustworthy and paid their rent on time.

Lately, I have had to deal with people who are adept at taking advantage of someone with a trusting personality and willingness to give someone a chance. They have run with it until they have drained the life out of me. I hate to get jaded about these things, but I have the sinking feeling that my radar needs an overhaul. I may have to go back to the tried and true principles everyone else is following, knowing that even I would never qualify, and feeling sad that a few have now spoiled it for everyone.

Actually, after this thought had time to marinate, I realized that only three out of over twenty tenants in the past five or six years, have ever had that effect on me. I sincerely hope that we raise our children in future generations with more accountability than entitlements, because that seems to be where the problem starts, on any financial level. I have gone back to trusting my gut and I am not sorry!

Sometimes family just is more important than whatever you were planning to do. My Mom celebrated her 90th birthday last week, and it completely overshadowed Christmas and New Year’s as we readied ourselves for the celebration. Almost like a wedding, we spent weeks gathering letters and tributes from her many friends all over the country. As it was, without bringing her into the equation, we could only get to about half of her hundred friends and extended family.
We are blessed to have a parent, not only living, but in excellent health and communication with so many people. She writes letters, often and regularly, to all those who are on her radar. Although many have lost that art, she continues to write them, even if they (we) are lax about always returning in kind. She has even recently acquired a laptop, trying to stay on the same page as her grandchildren. I give her great kudos for trying to pick this up in her nineties!
I also realize that reunions with family can sometimes be tiring. There are so many relationships to update, and some that will keep you in a box, no matter how hard you want to be let out. I think that in some families you find the safest place to be yourself, in others you find it terrifying to be that vulnerable. I guess we all hope just to make some kind of peace that will suffice over time; perhaps not all we wanted or hoped for, but not so little that we cease to gather. My hope was that we would find it worth getting together more than at funerals, and that we would remember to say nice things to one another before we have lost the person who never knew they were so appreciated.
I think, at least with my Mom, we have succeeded.

I love the week before New Year’s. It is almost a lost week….Christmas is over, no one knows exactly what they, or anyone else for that matter, are doing. It is a great time to re-group, re-organize, get ready for the next year by tidying up the loose ends of the one you are barely still in.

It isn’t resolutions I begin making, but plans. How to do better at every area of my life. How to put more punch in it! Perhaps by freeing myself from some of the dis-organizational traps I have fallen prey to in the past.

I have found that either mint.com or quizzle.com are great for helping with finances and budgeting, and both are free!( Quizzle has the added bonus of giving you your credit score)

I have found a list-making tool called Teux Deux (teuxdeux.com)that really is visual and helpful to me. I haven’t found how to print it out yet, but it doesn’t require me to think much about the to-do’s because I can slide them around so easily…my feeling is, I either do them or I postpone them or they fall off the list because they didn’t matter….I don’t need all the A, B, C ratings, they just boggle my mind!

Anyway, I hope you have found some new things to start your year off in a functional, uncluttered way, so that you can maximize the time for fun! That’s what I am trying to do. Still three more days til New Years!

What happens to the year between Halloween and New years? It just all seems to slide together somehow. My to do list gets longer (I found a great free online place to keep one, by the way. Check out www.TeuxDeux.com, particularly if you are visual and right brained…so easy to move things, check them off, add new and add ‘somedays’ that are not scheduled yet).
I seem to get lost in some kind of holiday fog that follows me wherever I go. Focusing is more difficult than ever. I go to the garage for the laundry and get lost in Christmas decoration thinking, go in the house with a box of ornaments and only remember in the morning I forgot to bring in the towels!

Well, my cousin wasn’t the only one keeping up with me by blog! I can definitely say that is motivating, but where does a week go? I am so impressed with some bloggers I follow, like Seth Godin, who blog almost every day…how does he do that? Each one is interesting and seems relevant, somehow. Impressive.

Habits. I always hated them and thought I could outrun them. Not. They have caught up in a myriad of ways. Like the teeth I hated to floss have now decided they may leave the premises before I am done with them. Or the back exercises I didn’t think were necessary or sit ups to strengthen my core…which now resembles that of an old apple left lying by the side of the road. Could be better.

Glass half full, things could be worse and it isn’t too late to improve my chances, but everything takes the form of routine and habits. When did I decide that creative people don’t need routines? Writers write every day, usually at the same time. Painters paint, not only when the mood strikes. And people everywhere are flossing and taking their vitamins and doing their crunches. C’mon girl, get with the program and live!

I was just talking to my Mom, and found out indirectly that my cousin keeps track of me by my blog. There probably is a way that I would know if someone besides me is reading this thing, but I don’t know what it is. Over a year ago my son suggested I start practicing by writing in a blog as frequently as I could, because he thought I would be a natural. I have many other friends who over the years have encouraged me to write a book or two. While I do think I will get to that eventually, you can tell by my lack of discipline in writing every day (sometimes it’s weeks, or more), that I have a long way to go.

I never stop to consider that someone may be reading it although every once in awhile, especially concerning the short sale mess, I would get a wonderful note from a reader for whom it seemed to make a difference to know they were not alone in their experience. I even had one from a therapist who recognized, as I did, the need for support in dealing with the emotional ramifications of losing one’s home.

Mostly for me, it is a way to keep track of various thoughts and happenings that someday may flesh out a book, or serve as my notes to myself of my life in and around real estate. I have found, as one friend recently told me, ” Joan, I think you could leave real estate, but real estate will never leave you!” And that is because, as I look back over almost twenty years, it has been all about helping people where they live, with an important foundational block of their life, their home.

Yesterday, I put the finishing touches on the mission statement for the non-profit I have been nurturing for thirteen years. I have laid it on the back burner many times, most recently for about two years. I always recognized that this was something God put on my heart as I was living through it, and that if it was to grow it would be in His timing, not mine. Lately people have come forward saying they felt they were supposed to fund-raise for it, speak about it, get local attention for it….so I have pulled out the corporate documents, reconvened the Board of Directors, and begun to file for 501 C-3 recognition so it can move forward. More about that soon….

By the way, if you’re out there, Hi Cuz!

Timing refers to anything that is necessary to move the contract along to closing on time, as in “time is of the essence” for the buyer to do a timely home inspection, making specific application with a lender for that house,  getting your paperwork and documents in on time,  and ordering your home insurance. For the seller, it may involve ordering the title insurance and the survey, getting repairs done so they can be re-inspected prior to closing, and making sure their closing agent stays on top of everything.

In the larger picture, the timing begins with the Contract for Purchase and Sale, and the terms laid out for a closing time. This is where a quick closing of thirty days or less can be a key element of why a contract is accepted initially by a seller. If that sale doesn’t close within that time frame, it can cause undue stress on the parties involved, because everyone has lined up their future plans based on it. This is often where emotions begin to get heated.

The old saying “time is money…” begins to really make sense when you put it in the context of a real estate deal!