Said little Raleigh, when we were going out for a bike ride on his balance bike, just around the little Mr. Roger’s neighborhood I live in. Staying on the sidewalk. Wearing a helmet. Watching out for cars when we crossed the street together.

A strange request? Perhaps. Probably just a thing he said in passing, with maybe no deeper meaning or problem involved. I could and did answer “Yes, honey”; but of course, only while he was in my care. As most all grandparents who have had both the blessing and the curse of remembering too much from their own child-rearing years, I know keeping a child safe is a huge duty and an overwhelming responsibility. There are so many possible ways for a child to be hurt; physically yes, but emotionally even worse. Because you never see it coming.

Years later we will learn from our children, their therapists or their spouses, where we had in fact not kept our children safe. Where they had been harmed, mostly unintentionally, in ways we never realized were even possible, because we had yet to sort out our own emotions concerning our upbringing and our family ties. There isn’t enough time to do it all and keep on track with everything that is happening at daily speeds while raising kids. As parents we do the best we can with what we know at the time. Unfortunately at first we only seem to know how to either repeat what we learned from our parents or to try the complete opposite approach, having found what we learned was not that good for us in the long run, so perhaps the opposite would be better? Unfortunately the opposite was usually no better, just a swing of the pendulum to the other wrong side, passing the balance we actually sought. From unnoticed to hovered over. From neglected to spoiled. From discounted feelings to always being allowed big feelings, both seeming unacceptable but the norm unattainable. Balance seemed very distance when viewed now from the other side. Where do we turn for guidance, and how will we recognize balance if we have never known it?

The things we most need to learn to have our best life are not ever really taught, except maybe in the school of hard knocks. We go into parenting with high hopes, but it is the most complicated mess of responsibilities and job titles we will ever encounter, especially if we are picking up the slack for another parent, either emotionally absent, physically or sometimes both.

We can only improve the gene pool little by little if we really pay attention and try harder and harder in the fog we find ourselves in. Those small gains are huge in a family legacy, if they go in the right direction. I am always noticing those ever so slight increases and crediting them to the balance column in our generational inheritance. It isn’t easy. Yay team!!