We’ve all heard this one, and I found myself saying “been there, done that and got more t-shirts than I could ever wear in my lifetime” yesterday. I followed that with all of those t-shirts represent a circumstance or an event in my journey; divorced, foreclosed, bankrupt, lost job, etc. Yes, they were circumstances. Yes, they happened. However, I am not my circumstances.

All of the above and many, many more have contributed to a wealth of personal history that has given me a huge amount of empathy and sympathy for others experiencing major life changes. I have found through my faith journey that all of them and others are merely possible stumbling blocks on my path. We have a lesson to learn from all of our struggles, but once learned those events are easy to speak about briefly, and usually merely to give another permission to share their own pain in our presence.

There are so many people either living in denial of the events that have happened or possibly worse,they wear those t-shirts daily to remind themselves and others they have been a victim. Neither one is fruitful. Others, particularly those who have been there themselves, see through the disguise they are presenting before us. It is the overcoming and the new life ahead of us that is significant, and God’s sustenance and mercy on that journey.  That’s the only story worth telling, because it is the one that encourages others to move through those painful present circumstances to embrace the future without the bondage and baggage they bring along.

I have several friends who have faced down cancer. While it has changed them, they are not their cancer diagnosis. In the same vein, I don’t know about others but twenty years after a divorce, I resent still having to check ‘divorced’ on every single form I fill out for the rest of my life. While it may indeed be the truth, that is not representative of me, and I always search in vain for another option. Single adult female, happily living on her own terms and providing for herself by God’s grace,  never appears. Worse, I always feel like I am breaking some law by not checking divorced and clicking single. It long ago ceased defining me, yet I am reminded each time how limited our forms are, compared to our ability to choose how we represent ourselves in real life.

I no longer say I am a single parent when introducing myself in a new group. It was true when I raised my sons, but they are now over thirty so it seems a bit ridiculous to use that unless I want sympathy at this point. I will refer to it when necessary, as it certainly was a challenge I met, and often it will bond me to others who have been through the same, much as surviving cancer does for others. But we relate to it now much as soldiers who have been in a war. It happened. I was there. I am here now.

Mostly I find I refer to past circumstances to show God’s grace and the way He was present in guiding and protecting me through those many circumstances and that is my favorite way to speak of them and to prepare me and others for those yet to come.